More failure...

The much awaited result (GATE-2005) was out today. I barely managed to qualify and secured a rank 10 times my last year's rank. It is the worst possible result for me and I stand amidst shattered hopes (mine and my parents').

But, I always somehow manage to see only the silver lining amidst all dark clouds :)
I still have some chance and all I want is to make the most out of it. I really hope that I manage to learn from this mistake. Any more mistakes and all my dreams will be doomed.

And, I don’t want that.

Another week...

Lots of things happened during the last week. I am too lazy to write in detail so will just brief them all.

I went to NITIE, Mumbai for GD/PI. It was a cool place (the first B-school I liked) but I got rejected. Probably, due to my low CAT score (97.54) and lack of work-ex.
It was my first aero-trip and I just loved it. I was literally awestruck by the superb application of science, engineering and design that I saw everywhere, right from entering the airport.
Also it was my first visit to Mumbai and IIT Powai. I didn’t see much of Mumbai to comment but IIT was amazing. I’d LOVE to go there for my M.Tech.

That was for the last week. Just 2 days left for my GATE result. I don’t really have high hopes but also I have no idea what is coming up.

I know this post sounds boring but that’s the state of mind I am currently in. I am bored of everything that’s going around me.

Being Twenty Something...

Just now a friend sent me a mail and while reading it I felt as if someone read my mind before writing it. Read it for sure if you are in your twenties.

Maybe we all r going through this "Being Twenty-Something". They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."
It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.
One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.
One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap.
Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Please do comment and tell me whether you feel the same...

Am I G33K?

After a bad GATE, I was in a NO-STUDY mode for a few days. But ever since I saw IIT Bombay's syllabi for M.Tech - IT (at KReSIT) I have started believing that the course was designed for me :)

My first target is Programming Aptitude (C only). Nothing new or special but since I want no stones unturned; I started searching for K&R. I found it in my e-book library but I hate to read on computer and I don't have a printer or a PDA. It's probably available in college library but who'll go 15 km to issue a book.

So I started thinking to find the best solution. And I found one soon! Here is my solution.

I have uploaded the book on my website. I use a CDMA phone (Nokia 2280) with a Reliance connection. Reliance offers free internet access on phone (like GPRS in GSM phones). Now I am going to read the book online using my mobile. It isn't the best way but it's the best I can afford right now :) And I really like reading on my mobile, especially single long pages.

So what do you say. Am I geek or not?